I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
