Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
