Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize