walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
