So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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