She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
