got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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