he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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