Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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