Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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