I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
