I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
