Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
