I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
