tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
