3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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