Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
