I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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