Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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