what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
