my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
