Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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