im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
