some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
