Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
