do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
