I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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