From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
