walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
