Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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