Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
