I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
