I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
