Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize