I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
