Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize