woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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