she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
