i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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