My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
