There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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