sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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