In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
