P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
