i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
