did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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