Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
