I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
