none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
