I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
