i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
