dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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