Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
