She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
