I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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