You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You don't make any sense
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