i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
