hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
