why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
