____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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