the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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