I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i've created a new STD.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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