A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
