I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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