So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
