i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's blow job season.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
