peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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